Boyfriends and girlfriends have lie to each other. That’s just a cold, hard fact. There are times when telling the truth will only lead to a Hollywood-esuqe break-up, so why not avoid that whenever possible? Women aren’t going to lie often and not on a whim, but only in certain circumstances where telling the truth would only get sticky. So here you are guys â€" the few times when I am almost definitely going to lie straight to your face!
1. When you ask me what I think of your mom
I know the way you are about your mother. I also know how I feel about your mom. So as soon as you hit me with the dreaded â€˜So you like my mom donâ€™t you?â€™ I am sure as hell going to lie. Yes, I think itâ€™s wonderful that she still irons your underwear for you every time you come home from college; no, Iâ€™ve never noticed the disapproving looks she gives me if I wear anything less than a turtle-neck and of course, I adore her special standard Sunday lunch. Every. Single. Sunday. If anything, you should be flattered that I take the time to pretend to like your mommy â€" it shows that I love you enough to know that you would dump me in a heartbeat if I said one bad word about the main woman in your life!
2. When I open my birthday gift
I understand that you had the best intentions, did weeks of research and spent a monthâ€™s drinking money on the most lavish looking bracelet/bottle of perfume/blouse you could find and I refuse to break your heart by telling you I would have preferred a gift token. So I smile, gush, maybe even tear up a little and wear/use the damn thing every single time I see you. Thing is, I know you do exactly the same when I give you gifts, so I refuse to feel guilty. I lie, you lie, we all lie at the most special times of year and we do it to keep a happy home happy.
3. When we talk about sex
Invariably, any conversation you and I have about sex is going to result in some tall tales. For example, when you ask if youâ€™re the best Iâ€™ve ever had, or you question me on some crazy past escapades etc. Itâ€™s not so much that Iâ€™m trying to spare your feelings, but more that Iâ€™m trying to retain my own dignity and be the girl that you want me to be. Of course Iâ€™d never lie about something really major but I believe that complete and utter honestyÂ when it comes to matters of intimacy can be dangerous â€" the truths of my past sex life are irrelevant now. Iâ€™m having sex with you now, and I love it, and thatâ€™s all you need to know.
4. When you ask me if I think an ugly girl is pretty
This can be confusing for guys, so Iâ€™m going to clear it up here and now. You see an unattractive girl and take pleasure in pointing her out to me….this is where I freeze. I cannot, for the life of me, find the words to agree with you. Instead I stammer and trip over my tongue until I find enough time to compose myself and say, â€˜I actually think sheâ€™s really prettyâ€™. Technically, I am lying to you because I donâ€™t really think sheâ€™s pretty. But it is ingrained in my female brain to never ever betray my own gender and therefore I must scrutinize this girl until I find something remotely attractive about her…which is why I usually follow this comment by something like, â€˜She has really rosy cheeksâ€™.
5. When you blow me off to hang out with the guys
“Oh, you got tickets to the game? Thatâ€™s great, sweetie…no of course I donâ€™t mind! I think itâ€™s wonderful that you get to spend so much time with the guys…what? Oh no, donâ€™t worry, I had nothing special planned…”Â Just an intimate meal which took four hours in the kitchen and cost fifty dollars worth of damn expensive ingredients to make â€" not to mention the insanely elaborate surprise I had arranged for â€˜dessertâ€™. But no, you go spend yet another night with your idiot friends and Iâ€™ll pretend to be just fine with it. Just to let you know for future reference guys, you do this, I lie and inside, my heart is breaking. So for once, read between the lines and just stay home with me!